Get rid of the depression

This is supposed to be my very first post about my new adventure or journey. I will add more about the site in the description later.

 Most people who might get to see this blog are probably looking for ways to beat a depression. I had the idea for this blog yesterday, exactly two days before my 22 birthday. I want to use this blog as a diary to document how I try to get rid of the depression and to encourage myself to follow my goal. I think I should tell you something about my person. I will (celebrate) my 22. birthday on Monday. Not sure yet if I can enjoy it. I never told someone about my depressions, although it started very early if I can recall it correctly.

One major cause for getting off the track of life was the suicide of my father when I was 7 years old, which still causes occasionally nightmares and anxiety attacks. My mother was during my childhood several times in a special hospital for depression treatment and was unable to raise me and my brother. I was mostly raised and educated by my aunt. I was forced to leave my parental home with the age of 18 and had to live with my grandmother also the relationship with my mother broke up and I had to file a lawsuit to save my legal portion of the legacy of my dad.

I thing that was probably too much off-topic. The depression has an increasing impact on my life. I always had trust problems towards foreigners and people, because I experienced a lot of fake friends that took advantage on my good nature. My whole personality converted to a complete introvert person and I had to attend a special elementary school, which provided smaller classes and better care for students. I lost a lot of interest in hobbies and I have big problems to stay in contact and keep friends. Without any intention I am sometimes too tired to get active and call or message people. My mood is mostly bad, that means the times I feel really good stay away. Furthermore I have problems with the concentration, I have sometimes strong headaches, I feel most of the time very tired. Before I forget to mention it: I had suicidal thoughts, but never real plans to commit suicide. That is maybe my luck, that I have no courage to do something like that. When I had thoughts it was more the wish it could happen with an accident.

I lost about 15 years of my life and I pray (I am usually non-religious) that this attempt to start living life will succeed. I am sick of being a fuck-up and want to change this miserable situation to the better.

That should be enough for the first post. With the next post I want to set up a plan or ideas how to achieve my goal.

And sorry for the bad English, but I am obviously not a native speaker ;-)